I went to Long Beach on "business" last weekend, but was able to visit some friends and even play a little twilight put-put. It was absolutely beautiful down there - the weather, the people, the tattoos. Living in the country-burbs, there are times when I feel like people are scoffing at my tattooed arms, but not in Long Beach. In Long Beach, I have "killer tats!" I felt almost liberated and would have taken my shirt off if it weren't for my marvelous moobs. I was a tight bro for a weekend, working in the morning/early-afternoon, then kickin it in the open air/patio bars and restaurants. The hot, very pregnant, platinum blond waitress took our drink orders, while the sportos of LBC surrounded the two bikini babes at the table in the corner of the patio. It was like they were zoo animals on display and they obviously loved the attention. Just a couple of cougar cubs waiting for their next STD. We then ventured off to a couple of the numerous Irish Pubs and went to bed early.
The Convention Center was holding two events in the same building that weekend: The Reading/Writing Convention and The Fish, Boat and Tackle Exposition. At least two people thought I was there for fish and tackle, and I know this because they asked me. I guess the country-burb style isn't as dignified as a that of a reader/writer. Anyway, I saw some inspiring authors give inspiring speeches. Then it was time for twilight put-put where we met HJ himself who told us glorious stories of the Hollyweird lifestyle, including the latest one about being invited to Elton John's Oscar party (but that's for a later blog). I think I golfed a 119.
The 7 hour long drive back home to the real world was as terrible and boring and tiresome as it usually is. Thankfully I had Patton Oswalt on CD to keep me entertained. The hills on the 5 were actually green and pretty, which was nice, but definitely didn't get me back home any faster. The Harris Ranch cows still smell like hell on Earth and gas prices made for an expensive trip. But it was all worth it. I needed a getaway and I couldn't have asked for a better escape. Thank you, Trav, Emily, HJ, and Gimp for living in the fantasyland that is known as Long Beach, California.
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